Somebody asked me recently ‘are you a jealous person?’ My
first inclination was to reply ‘very.’ Somebody else once said to me ‘it’s only
jealousy.’ My response to that was ‘what the hell do you mean, only!’
During the turbulent course of self-examination that’s been
going on over the last year or so, my ‘jealousy’ has been the subject of much
in-depth consideration. It’s caused more difficulty and misunderstanding than
any other factor, and it’s probably been the only thing I’ve never come close
to rectifying or controlling.
I finally worked out what it’s all about and why it has such
a devastating effect on me. What I don’t know is whether any other individual is
referring to the same thing when they use the term ‘jealousy.’ It’s become obvious
from my discussions with other people that most of them aren’t. And therein
lies the problem.
Most words have a universal definition. We all know what a
tree is, and we all mean pretty much the same thing when we say ‘I’m cold.’
Words that describe emotion aren’t like that. They cover a broad area of
universally recognised experience, but they don’t describe specifics well because
each person uses a given word wholly in terms of what it means to them
personally. So when somebody says ‘I’m jealous,’ the chances of us
understanding exactly what they mean are very slim.
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