We’ve had one of the warmest autumns on record in Britain,
but I think we’ve turned the corner now. There was ice around for the first
time this morning, and the hills a few miles beyond the river have a covering
of snow on them.
I wish I could be one of those people who like winter, but I’m
not. I once had a bad experience with snow which put me off the white stuff a
bit, but there’s more to it than that. For a start, I don’t take kindly to the
lack of light. The doldrums come easily during the dark time. But it goes
deeper than that, even. The older I get, the more I feel the need to be somehow
subsumed into the heart of nature: to sense it and function close to it. But I’m
a novice, so when it’s cold I feel uncomfortable and therefore rejected, and
when it’s hot I feel the same way. Only when it’s temperate can I feel the
first stirrings of being allowed in. I’ve also started to feel the earth
energies quite strongly these days, but only between April and September when
they’re at their strongest. I miss them when they’re torpid. Maybe it will just
take time to get used to things, so that I can respect and accept winter’s proper
place in the natural cycle.
This is one of the interesting things about constant growth
as a sentient being. You never stop being a novice.
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On the home front, I think there might also be a corner to
be turned. I was nervously anticipating a long e-mail right up to going to bed
at 3am. It didn’t arrive, so I woke up
feeling nervous this morning. It still hasn’t arrived. This is good. Learning
to wait is good.
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