I had one of those strange itches tonight, on my left side somewhere in the vicinity of where I think my waist used to be. They’re strange insofar as there’s nothing apparent to explain them – no rash, no bite, nothing external to irritate the spot. I decided it had to be a fairy with a feather; there’s simply no other rational explanation. And you know what Sherlock said: “When you have eliminated the impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
And so I hereby inaugurate a new phrase. Instead of saying ‘I’ve got one of those strange itches. There’s no rash there, or bite, or anything external to irritate the spot,’ you simply say ‘I’ve got a fairy with a feather.’ (And if some dubious looking bloke replies ‘Aren’t you the lucky one? Would you send him my way when you’ve finished with him,’ walk away quietly and decline to get drawn into a difficult conversation.)
You may begin rehearsal.