Dealing with Differences.

The problem with relationship difficulties is that there’s always an emotional element to them, and emotion is in no way connected with reason. I suppose that’s what makes it extremely difficult, if not effectively impossible, to be truly objective and work out whether the fault is yours, theirs, nobody’s, or some permutation of the three. And until you do, there won’t be any truly objective solution.

You can try arbitration, of course, but that isn’t ideal either, because the arbitrator will apply reason and reason generally has little effect on emotion. The result is likely to be that both parties will, to some extent, retain a measure of grievance. Often the only way forward is just to keep on walking until the difference is forgotten. The popular notion that problems must always be talked about, ad infinitum, isn’t always right in my opinion.

Ah but, this all depends on the nature of the difference. Some differences are acute and will die back to nothing given a little time. The problem differences are the chronic ones. They don’t usually go away on their own; they need surgery of some kind, and often the only surgery available is complete separation. That’s the point at which the inherent strength of the connection is truly tested, and that’s when you can get the biggest problem of all. If the difference is insoluble but the connection super-strong, a rough ride awaits.