Better than Voices in the Head.

We all have situations where we prevaricate over whether to do or not to do something. Usually it’s just the arguments and counter arguments going back and forth, or it’s alternate sides of our nature battling for supremacy.

I have something different occasionally – an apparently external influence directing me with firm, powerful, nagging instructions that I must or must not do a certain thing. It’s so strong that I always eventually give into it, and it’s always right. I’ve learned to tell the difference now between that and the usual, psychological reasons for vacillating. This thing is tough and insistent, and it makes me do the right thing.

It happened again last night. I was about to send an e-mail to somebody, a message into which I’d put a lot of time and thought. The pointer hovered over the ‘send’ button for ages, while this ‘presence,’ or whatever it is, held me back and told me over and over again ‘do not click the button.’ I didn’t; I went into my inbox instead, and found there an e-mail from the intended recipient. It made my message not only inappropriate, but very badly timed.

This is no ‘voices in my head’ stuff. This is something deeper, subtler and unceasingly insistent. What it directs me to do or desist from doing often flies in the face of all reason. And yet it’s right. So what is it? Instinct? Some form of telepathy? I’ve no idea.