Lucy's Lateness Laid to Rest.

Tonight’s Dracula update:

You might recall the earlier mystery of how the late Lucy was somehow to become later. All is now revealed. The transition was due, of course, to dear, sweet and very late Lucy having been relegated – or elevated, depending on one’s personal inclinations – to the status of Un-dead (sic.) The metamorphosis was immediately made apparent to the company of startled disbelievers by the fact that she now has dark hair. No more ‘sunny curls’ for Lucy. Only late Lucys have sunny curls; later ones become brunettes in order to declare their incontrovertibly bad girl status to the thoroughly disgusted onlookers. (It might also be speculated that there is a matter of colour matching involved. Black makes a much stronger accompaniment to red than blonde, and as Lucy has adopted the habit of biting children and drinking their blood – somewhat indecorously, it has to be said, if the evidence of dribbling is any guide – the change of hue would seem appropriate.)

Deliverance was at hand, however, in the form of Dr Van Helsing and his three little helpers. They went to work manfully with a pointed stick and a hacksaw, so the dear girl is now truly late and guaranteed never to be later again.

Unfortunately, no mention was made of whether Lucy’s newly disconnected head reverted to the sprouting of sunny curls on its ascent to the angelic realm, but I think we may take it as read. Blonde goes much better with white feathers, you see.