Being Less than Credible and Failing the Lady.

Tonight’s Dracula update:

In Stoker’s worst bit of writing so far, the intrepid heroes are ensconced in a very important meeting about how to hunt down the fountainhead of the impending vampire plague, when Quincy – the intrepid hero from Texas – gets up and walks out of the room without so much as a by-your-leave. No one turns a hair at this, and the next thing you know there’s a shot and the window shatters. Quincy returns and says (in paraphrase) ‘Sorry about that. I saw a bat on the window ledge and I don’t like them any more, so I decided to shoot it. Only I missed. Oh, well…’ And still no one turns a hair.

Now, anybody who knows a badly contrived plot device when he sees one will naturally groan at this juncture, because he knows it’s only there so that at some point further on, somebody can say (also in paraphrase) ‘Mein Gott! (Which Van Helsing does say occasionally.) The bat on the window ledge was none other than Count Dracula himself, come to spy on us!’ And everybody else can join in unison with a rousing ‘A-ha!!!’ At which point, Dracula begins to seem like a forerunner of Winnie the Pooh. And it doesn’t quite stop there.

The Boys decide that Mina must play no further part in proceedings, because she is but a weak and feeble woman and wouldn’t stand up too well to the rigours of vampire hunting. And they continue to congratulate themselves, more than once, on the soundness of their decision. In paraphrase:

‘I’m so glad we decided to leave the little lady at home.’

‘So am I; it was a good decision. We are men of the world who have seen much, and even we will be taxed. A mere woman would be sure to crack under the strain.’

(For once, I’m in agreement with the feminists here, but the editor doesn’t pick it up at all. Maybe she decided it was just too blatant to need pointing out. It is.)

So poor Mina goes home uncomplaining and retires to bed, where she is now utterly vulnerable to the white mist that comes in around the door frame and the white face that bends over her as she sleeps. Even those readers who can't spot a crushingly bad plot device will no doubt be getting the picture: The Boys have made a terrible mistake, but will they learn the right lesson from it? We’ll see.