Life and the Dream World.

After I wrote the Peter Green post last night I fell asleep. I woke up at 2.30 with my head on the keyboard and the computer switched off. I must have been asleep for at least an hour, and I didn’t remember having closed the computer down.

It’s usual to feel disoriented in that situation, but this was much worse. As soon as I awoke I was hit by the most intense and sickening sense of betrayal. Betrayal by whom? Why, nobody, of course. I know the source of it, but she isn’t to blame since she is in no way responsible for me and can’t be held accountable for my feelings.

Going to bed was a struggle. Going to sleep was, mercifully, slightly less so.

When I woke up this morning I was swamped by the memory of a dream I’d had. A veil of mist hid the detail; only the energy came through unfiltered. It was a troubled and troublesome energy composed of dichotomous pairings. Dark and light, positive and negative, acceptance and rejection, longing and revulsion, seduction and suspicion. Love and hate? Who knows?

I plan to make a short story out of it, despite the absence of detail. Doesn’t make any sense, does it? Life and reality never do. Only the illusion makes sense at this level.