She said ‘If I have the means to come visit you, would you
still want to see me?’ Conditions apart,
this effectively amounts to somebody offering to spend probably the bulk of her
savings flying from America
to see me. Circumstances were such that I had to say ‘no.’ What kind of an
arsehole do you think that makes me feel?
But let’s look at it another way. How could either of us
know how we would feel by the time she was ready to come and visit me? At the
moment I don’t want to see her, but by Christmas my whole set of sensibilities
and priorities might have changed and I might be desperate to see her. By then,
however, her feelings might have
changed, or she might have found my new set of sensibilities and priorities not
to her taste. (In actual fact, I’m reasonably sure she must hate me with a
vengeance now anyway, but that’s beside the point.)
The point I’m making is simple. If I want something and it’s
available, I want it now. That isn’t being a spoiled brat, that’s just
recognising that tomorrow it might not be available, or tomorrow I might not
want it.
And then there’s the Changing Circumstances factor. When she
told me of her prospective move to New York,
I predicted the end of our relationship. ‘Why? It’s just a change of address.
Nothing else will change.’ Wrong. Changes don’t happen in isolation. Every
change comes accompanied by a variably-sized tribe of sibling changes.
Experience, instinct and self-awareness left me in no doubt that the end was
inevitable, one way or another. And so it was.
OK, just wanted to get that off my chest before making
dinner.
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