Sunday 13 November 2011

Robins, Smart Sheep, and a Mysterious Nag.

Robins would stand out even if they didn’t have those bright red chests. They’re so sharp, busy and intelligent – real non-nonsense little birds. Maybe that’s why I like them so much. They do say opposites attract.

And I was watching the sheep in a local field again today. Sheep don’t behave anything like robins. (Now, there’s a revelation.) What I’ve noticed is that the odd one here and there grazes by keeping the back legs extended, but kneeling on the front ones. No doubt it’s easier that way, since there isn’t so far to stretch. I suppose they must be the clever ones.

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I’m aware that there are deficiencies in my life at the moment. We all are; nobody’s life is perfect. But there’s something going on that I can’t fathom. It’s a deep, nagging sense that there is not only something missing, but that the deficiency is profoundly wrong. It’s as though my unconscious mind knows something that my conscious mind isn’t aware of yet. It isn’t any of the obvious things, although it might well be connected with one of them. It nags me off and on all day, but it’s worst at bed time. I feel as though I’m not entitled to go to sleep until I’ve identified the problem and put it right. That’s no basis on which to go to bed!

Maybe it’s nothing more than the grieving process. I am grieving for the loss of somebody special at the moment, and it’s a well known component of grief that part of the mind refuses to accept the loss. I’ve known that phenomenon before. Maybe that’s all it is and it will pass with time.

We’ll see.

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