The Truth of the Matter.

A lovely lady came to call

And said ‘I’ll tell you what.

I’d like to say you’re handsome, but

The problem is, you’re not.

I’d like to say you’re funny, but

I really wouldn’t know.

Your jokes aren’t very witty

And your style is touch and go.

I’d like to say you’re clever, but

You’re rarely that, as such.

You say the weirdest things, you know,

And talk too freggin’ much.

I’d like to say you’re lively, but

You never seem to play.

Just stomp around the landscape

Like a farmer’s ageing dray.

I used to read your blog, you see,

While lying in my bed.

But now I switch the telly on

And watch a soap instead.’