Wednesday, 29 August 2012

On Being Computer Illiterate.

Why is life never simple?

I’ve had to buy a new copy of MS Office now that I’ve got a new computer. My old version wasn’t compatible with Windows 7. So today I installed it.

Everything went swimmingly and JJ was cock-a-hoop, until he came to the Product Key bit. It didn’t seem to work properly, but I don’t know – which means I don’t know whether it’s validated, or authenticated, or ratified, or whatever the hell else they call the damn process. If it isn’t, it means that the second I try to use any of the MS Office suite for the fiftieth time, my computer will explode. Men from the Microsoft Mafiosi will creep into my house at dead of might and whisk me surreptitiously away to Windows Hell somewhere in the north Appalachian Mountains, where I will be forced by faceless men wearing smart suits and plastic wigs to recite ‘Bill Gates wants me for a sunbeam’ for ever, and ever, and ever. And the British Embassy will deny any record of my existence, just because I don’t like David Cameron and think the Establishment is full of bullshit.

Or to put it another way, I suppose I’ll have to reinstall the damn thing and try to do it differently next time.

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