The Encounter.

I found an old bottle in the garden today. When I rubbed the soil off, a little man in a turban crawled out and said, rather crossly

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing, waking me up at this time of the century?’

‘Sorry,’ I said, ‘I had no idea there’d be anybody in there.’

‘No, you never do. Humans are a right bloody pain, you know. They go around rubbing bottles willy nilly without giving a second thought to the consequences and the inconvenience to which we poor Jin will be put as a result of their congenital lack of consideration.’

‘Well, I really do apologise most sincerely,’ I reiterated. ‘Can’t you just go back to sleep?’

‘No, I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘See! There you go. You lot are just plain ignorant, you know. That’s what you are. Plain bloody ignorant.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Of course you don’t. You don’t take the trouble to find out, do you? Your type never does. Look, there are rules in these matters. I can’t go back to sleep until I’ve granted you three wishes.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

‘Three wishes?’

‘Yes.’

‘Any three wishes?’

‘Yes. Now will you please get on with it?’

Well, this was quite a shock, as I’m sure you’ll understand. Not an everyday occurrence, is it? So I thought and thought while Mr Jin huffed and puffed. One has to be careful in situations like this because wishes can lead to unforeseen, and often unwelcome, consequences.

‘Right,’ I said at last, ‘I’ve decided.’

The little man took a pencil and notebook from inside his turban, and prepared to make a list.

‘Go on, then, what do you want?’

‘First, a toasting fork, like the one we had when I was a kid. The embers of a coal fire make the best toast, you know. Second, a Valentine’s Day card. Haven’t had one of those since I was a kid. They add a bit of spice to the day, you see. Third, a toy boat to play with in the bath, preferably a maroon one with a grey hull, like the one I had when I was a kid.’

Mr Jin was shaking his head as he scribbled my requests onto his pad, and then he gave me a look that I can only describe as ‘strange.’ (Actually, I suppose I could also describe it as ‘odd,’ but let’s not be pedantic.) Eventually, he said

‘You know what you are, don’t you, mate?’

‘No, what’s that?’

‘A case of arrested bloody development. I’ll see what I can do.’

And then pouff he went. Gone. So now I wait.