Saturday, 24 September 2011

A Personal and Pointless Aside.

I’m in a strangely unsettled mood tonight. My mind doesn’t know what it wants to occupy itself with. I keep reaching for things to consume – a cigarette, a cup of coffee, a cup of tea, a sandwich. I seem to be trying to fill a hole with pointless consumables that disappear into the void. It seems to be all about displacement, and it isn’t working.

I went to the village pub this evening with my new neighbour, her friend Di, and the two dogs. Nice people, perfectly good conversation, handsome dogs, a pint of Marston’s Pedigree Ale... What could be better?

The problem is that my consciousness remains filled with the Big P. Everything else pales to the periphery. The walk home alone was welcome, because she becomes more real when I’m alone. ‘Me. I’m all that matters,’ she says through eyes that sparkle and seduce. Only the words don’t rise to her own mouth; I put them there.

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