I’m being cryptic again, I know; but it’s that time of year and I’m in that kind of mood. I did warn of some coming strangeness. Take it or leave it.
Saturday 30 October 2010
For What it's Worth.
The most recent addition to my playlist (the one at the bottom, if it isn’t obvious) was put there in memoriam for somebody. I pushed her away and she went, but she left a scent in the air that declines to dissipate; and the title echoes an old tune that she probably doesn’t even hum any more. Roads diverge so readily, snaking off to meander around the plains of life until they meet the mountain and re-engage.
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17 comments:
It seems that the people I miss most are ones that I knew the least amount of time. (rather than some people I knew for a very long time and don't really miss them) Same for you?
Maybe, Maria. I suppose there's a sense of frustration at not having got to know somebody as well as you would have liked - cut off before you've had chance to take them for granted, as it were. It's probably different for you, though. I sense that you're a lot better balanced than I am. Different priorities I should think. More enduring loyalties too, probably.
Avalon, that reminds me of my chilhood and mum oohing over Mr ferry ;)
Ah, the ones that were pushed away, they always hold the scent of possibility that once was.
Do make me feel geriatric, won't you Melanie? I can take it. Nice to see you again, by the way.
Don't worry Jeff, she's not THAT old ;)
With the amount of posts you do I feel like I've been away decades, enjoying visiting again though.
Don't run me ragged though, will you Mel? These old bones, you know!!
I will ;)
You are! Thank you.
You pushed too hard, and for unrealistic reasons. I should think it hurts more to remember someone you lost due to your own hastiness, eagerness and my favourite, jealousy.
Heavens! Now I'm even more intrigued. I'm not aware of having 'pushed' anybody in the manner implied recently. Maybe I'm taking the wrong inference. As for being unrealistic - guilty, no doubt. I'm being unrealistic a lot these days. It's the reference to jealousy I don't understand. When you say 'my favourite,' I'm curious to know whether that means you're jealous, or whether it's something you particularly dislike in others. I keep meaning to make a post about that subject. It's greatly misunderstood.
I wonder whether your spelling gives a clue to your identity.
In any event, I really appreciate the comment, whoever you are. It's spiced up my bed time no end.
Oh no, I'm not jealous in the slightest. But of all the elements you displayed, your jealousy (and seeing as this baffles you so, I'll chalk it up to a subconscious thing) is what I find most amusing.
Whatever spelling I would have chosen, it would have been intentional.
Why are you so obsessed over identity?
Well then, if you're not jealous you won't have a clue as to just what a raging, uncontrollable tsunami jealousy can be. I know all about jealousy; I don't deny suffering from it. I've planned a post about it, but I'm not ready for self-sacrifice yet. It's nice that somebody finds it amusing.
There are only two things with which I've ever been obsessed, and your identity isn't one of them. That merely intrigues - which is enjoyable, I suppose. Do keep writing.
Whether you're obsessed over my identity is none of my concern. What I want to know is why you are so forcefully determined to get to the root of things, to unravel enigmas and "figure people out." Why are you denaturing the mystery? Do you suspect to find something your human mind can begin to understand?
Excuse me for being so upfront. I just don't necessarily like that quality...not knowing things is an intrinsic part of the universe that surrounds us.
N.B. I might not be jealous now (and honestly, I don't understand why I should be, because I'm not acquainted with you) but I am human after all, and thus I know the irreconcilable tsunami that is jealousy.
Well I never! Tomorrow, when I can think straight.
Anonymous: OK, I've read this several times and there are things I don't understand. Why, for example, do you question whether you should be jealous because you're 'not acquainted' with me. I never suggested you should be jealous in connection with me. You're baffling me with that one.
As for being 'forcefully determined to get to the root of things,' I'm not. I'm just naturally inquisitive and like to know what makes people tick. Is that so terrible? I also happen to like mysteries as well. I'm a little bemused as to why this is such an issue with you.
However, being the feeble minded little soul that I am, I confess to being flattered by your interest. Feel free to be 'up front.' I'm a frank sort of person.
Frankly, the jealousy aspect of this conversation is perplexing to me as well... I don't think we're reading the same book, let alone being on the same page! Perhaps it would be best to just leave it, I'm honestly not sure anymore.
I understand that for a lot of people, being inquisitive is just a way of life. Knowing what makes people tick is something I'm sure everyone intrinsically reaches out for.
What I was originally suggesting, however (and I think it got misconstrued with the forcefulness of my rhetoric) was that your blog entries seem to suggest this overwhelming desire to know. It seems to me, and correct me if I'm wrong, that if say there is a person that baffles you with their enigmatic words and thoughts, you have a need to get to the root of it - to get to the eternal "why".
Why is this an issue? It's simply personal, I suppose - you ask a lot of questions, you ask "why" a lot. It seems as though you misunderstand or disregard (which I'm not entirely sure) the glass walls that are built around individuals. Are you trying to break through?
What I'm thinking of is complex and if it bemuses you, by all means then, it bemuses me also. It's hard to form into words.
I apologise for being harsh, I just get frustrated easily which makes it harder to say what I want to say.
Thank you for taking the time to explain. I appreciate it.
Yes, I do ask a lot of questions - always have. I asked them of my parents until my enquiries went beyond their capacity to answer. The same happened with teachers, the vicar, employers, TV documentaries, books and the internet. The answers nearly always produce more questions. I don't see that as a fault, although I agree it can irritate some people sometimes.
One fault I do admit, though. I've always been a very open sort of person, and I confess that I find it difficult to cope with people who aren't. I do understand the glass walls, but I find it hard to relate to people who construct them. I suppose that's because, while I show myself easily, I don't give any degree of commitment easily. I need to feel that I know a person well before I let them in to the inner recesses. So yes, I'm sure I do try to break through. Something I need to work on, maybe. Thank you for pointing it out.
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