Definitely not a gnome. Caves and subterranean caverns are
fun to explore, but I think I’d find it a bit stifling having to live in one.
And besides, they use up so much energy getting angry all the time. Being an
elf appeals, but I’m not sure I’m quite ready for that yet. Their world seems
maybe just a little too pure, elegant and well ordered. So I think I’m going to
have to stay human, but with a difference.
As a kid I loved the whole Arthurian thing, but it wasn’t
the king or the knights I identified with; it was Merlin. I think that’ll have
to be it. I want to be a magician; a proper magician; a Gandalf magician. Then
I can be the power behind the throne, I can come and go as I please, I won’t
have to sit in an exposed position on a high chair, I won’t have to utter daft
lines like ‘Then bear your witness’ (which I did in a school play once and to
which a story attaches, but that can wait for another time,) and I won’t have
to refer to myself in the third person.
And on that note, have a bit of Mitchell and Webb:
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