Saturday, 8 December 2012

Being No Messiah.

The dream seemed to go on all night, but I’ll make the telling of it mercifully brief:

Standing on the high field behind my house addressing a large body of people; being asked by one man why he shouldn’t kill an animal, and me replying ‘Because the animal is God;’ having this statement reported in the local paper and being mocked for it; being invited into the house of a woman and her two daughters; being interrogated by the elder sister while the mother remains apart and the younger sister excuses herself and goes to bed; being aware that the elder sister’s attitude is neither friendly nor hostile, but cold, clinical and disinterested; being asked to leave and doing so. The end.

What an interesting mix of Gospel allusions and current reality. I woke up with the usual feelings of anxiety, but with an added overlay of rejection. I also felt a conviction that I should cancel the hospital appointment I have booked for next week. I felt shaken for a couple of hours, but now that the dust has settled, two things occur to me:

1) I’ve always been a bit strange, but I’m becoming ever stranger and more uncertain as time goes by.

2) I wonder how a man could address five thousand people in the open air and make himself heard without a PA system, and what this suggests about the literal accuracy of the Sermon on the Mount.

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