Sunday 9 January 2011

Must Try Harder.

This is a self-deprecatory post, a confession even. I hope it isn’t too squidgy.

I had a dream last night (another one!) I was reading through the posts of somebody whose blog I follow, when I came across one with the title The Man – JJ Beazley. I was just about to access it when the dream ended.

This is very sad. Not the fact that the dream ended there, but the fact that I had it in the first place. It indicates that my ego is at a more preposterous level than I thought it was. This is bad news to me because I’m genuinely trying to subdue my ego. I believe it’s holding me back. I believe that ego is probably the greatest of all culprits in blinding us to the truth of Oneness. I suppose something is suggesting to me that I should try harder.

Still, at least it didn’t read JJ Beazley – The Man. That would have been even worse. Thankful for small mercies.

10 comments:

Jeanne said...

Squidgy... A new word for me! :0)

Think about the dream before you go to sleep tonite and maybe you will dream the remainder of it.

JJ said...

I don't want to Jeanne! Dreaming that somebody would make a post with that title is bad enough...

'Squidgy:' Soft and gooey, sometimes with the connotation of unpleasantly so - think over-ripe fruit. Even the UK version of Word spell check doesn't recognise it, but it's commonly used over here.

Jeanne said...

You could always go back to the dream about the Clintons...

Maria Sondule said...

Haha. Just remember that your dream is only about what you make it.

JJ said...

Don't think so, Jeanne. I don't like being thrown out either.

How do you know, Maria. I might have been tapping into somebody's thoughts. (Pff...)

Why has nobody asked the question: 'Who is this unfortunate woman to whom you ascribe such questionnable taste?'

Not that I'd spill the beans, of course. I'm not that mad.

Carmen said...

If you dont want to read the post, i would gladly dream it for you, just so i could read it haha.

Wendy said...

Another dream interpretation on my part...I don't see the dream as the "self" of you being overblown or ego driven in any way. And even if it was, we all need to have that part of ourselves, unless you're a sociopath, hailing you. I saw it as a compensatory dream (now there's a scrabble word for you) and how you fit in the blog world and your relationship to the author of the blog. What does this other person symbolically represent to you and how do you want to be seen not only in their eyes but also to YOUR readers? And what makes a "man". You do beat yourself up so much, Jeff! We don't need to remember all of a dream for it to move us in some way. What you do remember is very powerful. Do you keep a dream journal?

JJ said...

Carms: You have a nicely wicked side. Do keep it up.

Wendy: Still all about ME though, isn't it? Why should I be in the least interested in how other people see me? I am, but I'd rather not be. I still believe that losing the sense of self would be the highest attainment for a human. Even Einstein said something along similar lines.

Wendy said...

Why is it so wrong to want other people to like us, Jeff? I think everyone became obsessed with the fact that we only need to please ourselves...end of story. I think the more we accept ourselves and can find things we genuinely like about the "me" than naturally we want to extend ourselves to others and for them to reciprocate. And losing the "self" to me is different than just accepting and being made aware of the "ego" that is neither good or bad, but just is...

JJ said...

Well, this is a complex issue, Wendy - and a long term one. Of course I want people to like me, but I consider it a human frailty that I'd prefer to get over one day. I think there are two levels involved here.

One is the simple question of attaining equanimity, one manifestation of which is that you don't mind whether people like you or not. I'm reminded of Macbeth's statement to the weird sisters:

'Speak then to me, who neither begs nor fears your favour nor your hate.'

The other level is a more intensely spiritual one. Although I follow no tradition, the one I feel closest to is Buddhism, a central tenet of which is that ego needs to be relinquished in order to see the truth of Oneness, not just within the limited world of samsara, but as it applies to the ultimate level of non-individualised being. That's the really long term one.