I’ve been so busy with a whole plethora of correspondence, accounts and other distractions today that I haven’t had a spare moment to write a blog post. What’s more, I haven’t even given much thought to one.
What I did do by way of relaxation this evening was allow myself the time to watch X Files – the Movie. It was OK until we got to the high point of the main storyline. And then it plummeted.
The bad guy (a Russian, of course; I thought we’d got over the Russians) is just about to chop poor old Muldur’s head off, when Scully arrives in the nick of time and whacks him over the ear with a plank or something. God, how I hate that – the nick of time thing. How many more times are they going to use it? Bit of a tired old ploy, don’t you think?
(What’s more, it immediately reminded me of a line from one of the sequels to Albert and the Lion: ‘As he lifted his axe, father murmured...’ Americans won’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Albert and the Lion is a series of comic monologues dating from the 1930s I think, and occupies a similar place in the Brit consciousness to Wallace and Gromit.)
That wasn’t all, though. Here’s what those daft buggers in Hollywood think we’re going to be taken in by:
The scene is a remote, snowbound property out in the wilds of West Virginia. It’s night and there isn’t a sound of any sort – not even the hoot of an owl or the rumble of a passing coal train. Nothing. So there’s this evil Russian about to despatch our intrepid, if unconventional, FBI hero. While he’s preparing the dastardly deed, Scully and Skinner drive up to within feet of the door of the shed in which the action takes place, and only a matter of a few yards from where the bad guy is sharpening his axe - quietly. They get out of the car and open the sliding doors to the shed. Scully finds a plank of wood, or whatever it is, and approaches the bad guy from behind. And he doesn’t hear a thing. And all in the nick of time
.
Credible? Hollywood! Still, at least M & S got to kiss so we could all say ‘Ah...’ I prophesy that the next X Files film will be made either by Disney or Hallmark. That should provide the final spur to do what I’ve been considering for years: emigrate to Bhutan. Or Bedlam.
3 comments:
How strange is this? We had this film sitting on our shelf for more than six months now and never watched it because we were trying to find the first X-Files movie (which I understand was better), but never managed it. So we gave in and put this on the other night (yesterday or the day before?) as a family film. We were all also disappointed. My daughter especially missed the kind of dialogue between Mulder and Scully that makes the series so enjoyable. And where were the aliens? But oh well, it was a typical Hollywood vehicle in the end, unfortunately. The gag reel (out-takes) were fun though and left a better impression.
Yes, indeed, Della. There were really only hints of the old Muldur/Scully spark, weren't there? I suppose that's what comes of falling in love, dammit (which she, at least, acknowledged.) I think it was better when we all wondered.
Aliens? Who needs them when you've got Russians?
Ha, true (the wondering and the Russians :)
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