Explaining My Objection.

The supermarket where I shop has changed its policy on instore promotional announcements. They used to be done by Rose who works on the kiosk at the front of the store, but now they have a recording made by an actor. It’s bloody irritating, so I went and complained.

I explained that I found it vacuous. I told them how annoying it was to have my ears assaulted by a trained, actorish voice with its rampant tendency to contrived over-inflection. I said I found it patronising at best to be subjected to tosh that was transparently coached in a futile attempt to evoke in me a desire to buy stuff I hadn’t realised I wanted. I offered the opinion that such an inane ploy on the part of Sainsbury’s marketing trolls to influence my buying habits was objectionable.

‘I want Rose back,’ I concluded. ‘Rose is real.’

‘It gets on our nerves, too,’ said the woman on the receiving end, ‘but there’s nothing we can do about it.’

That’s what they always say.