Thursday 12 July 2012

Being a Collector of Feelings.

I wrote an e-mail to somebody last night (not the worrisome one) which was basically about how I’ve always been driven to collect feelings, rather than by the acquisition of wealth, position, prestige, or whatever else drives most people. I re-read it this morning and decided it would do for a blog post. You might well disagree, but it’s my blog.

It manifests in many ways, but one of the most enduring was what happened if I had to go away to somewhere unfamiliar on something job-related. Instead of focusing on the job in hand and engaging fully with it, I would often find myself standing apart and observing myself reacting to the atmosphere. The job became unimportant, often to the point of being an irritating distraction. I either liked or disliked the ambient experience; I found it interesting or boring; I wanted to stay or leave. I suppose that’s partly why I’ve never been career-minded. I always needed to be moving on to other theatres of experience and the new feelings they offered.

It’s perhaps a little unusual, therefore, that I’ve grown to so love where I’m now living and don’t want to leave. But then, the ambient experience here is so rich, and it’s certainly true that I’ve felt things – powerful things – that I never felt anywhere else. And I have a feeling that it will continue to surprise me.

Sorry, Zoe. You’ve already read this.

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