Nanny's Numbers.

Latest research has shown that people who give up smoking are likely to gain up to 11lbs in weight over the following year, which is an increase on the older figure of 7lbs.

‘Ah, but,’ says the medical establishment, ‘the advantages of giving up smoking outweigh the disadvantages incurred with the weight gain.’

Well, OK, but what’s the betting that when they’re on an anti-obesity drive instead, they’ll come up with another one that says something like:

‘Every pound in weight you gain is statistically proven to reduce your life expectancy by six months.’

And then I’ll ask:

‘So if I give up smoking and gain 11lbs in weight, I’ll have 5½ years less to live?’

‘Er...’

But that’s only a small part of the increasingly ridiculous jigsaw they expect us to struggle with. Another bit of recent research discovered that people who sleep less than six hours a day live longer than those who sleep the regulation eight. Oh, and then there was the one which said that people who sit for less than three hours a day live longer lives than those who sit for more than three hours. There was even one which claimed that watching more than two hours TV a day reduces your life expectancy. And on top of that, they keep on changing the pieces.

Look, you guys, we’ve all got to die of something some day anyway, so why don’t you all shut the f*** up and let us get on with doing what we enjoy?