Morning Woes.

I turned the light off early for me last night at 2.25. I woke up exactly four hours later at 6.25 to the sound of banging somewhere. Not particularly loud banging, but banging nonetheless. I felt angry that somebody was making noise at that time of day, but worse than that was the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that was setting my nerves on edge. This was something that characterised the autumn, winter and early spring months when the fatigue problem was at its worst – waking up every morning convinced that something terrible had happened, or was about to happen, or that I was going to have to do something highly unpalatable. I haven’t had it for some weeks now, so it was a bit disappointing.

I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to get up, make a cup of tea and check my e-mails. Both knees were playing up as they have been doing lately, both a little weak, a little stiff and a little painful. I’m sure this has something to do with the ‘condition,’ although my doctor says it probably doesn’t. My tread on the stairs must have been heavier than usual because the sound of it set next door's dogs a-barking.

So there I was, feeling like I was cracking up mentally and physically. I slumped onto the computer chair and pressed the button to boot up the machine. The first thing that came up on the screen was a DOS message waffling on about Windows not loading properly, and saying it was probably something to do with there having been a power interruption when I last closed down. Shit! If there’s one thing I don’t need, it’s computer problems. At least 90%, if not more, of my interaction with the outside world comes through the computer. But then Windows loaded so I made the cup of tea.

No e-mails. Well, that’s nothing unusual, so I took the tea to bed, drank it and fell asleep again. I woke up four hours later with cotton wool for a brain and so little strength that I might have had trouble rescuing a fallen fledgling. I got up and took the bird feed out.

I was greeted by the new relief post girl. She was slim, pretty and personable, and looked rather nice in her regulation uniform of red polo shirt and pale grey trousers. Thirty years ago she might have raised my heart rate a touch, but I can’t afford that these days. Heaven knows what might happen! But I suppose I should be grateful for small mercies.

Now it’s lunchtime and I’m not sure whether I want any or not. I probably will, but I think what I really need is a kick start.