Viewing a Difficult Prospect.

I have to say that this new clarified understanding of the two entities is causing me a little disquiet.

I used to think of death as probably no big deal. I used to think it would be simply a matter of dropping the outer shell and carrying on – not much different than a snake sloughing its skin. Now it’s looking a bit more like a significant event, and here’s what’s troubling me.

I’ve always found parting difficult. I’ve lost a good many humans and animals one way or another during my life and it’s always brought some trauma with it. It doesn’t stop there, though. I find it hard to say goodbye to an old car that has to go to the scrap yard, and I even have trouble throwing away worn out items of clothing. So how much more difficult is it going to be to watch my closest partner fall into lifelessness and rot away?

And the second question: How familiar will I be with the spirit entity? How well will I know him once he isn’t combined with an animal I can look at in the mirror? These very fingers that are typing this post will be so much dead wood fit only for throwing onto the bonfire. I look at them and feel sad because I know I’m going to have to say goodbye to them one day.

It probably won’t happen for quite some time yet, but I’m developing a different sense of time these days. The idea that twenty years is ten times as long as two is losing its grip. It’s a slow and subtle process, but it’s happening.

So how to prepare for this momentous event? By being positive, I suppose; by concentrating on the exciting prospect of having a new animal to engage with, and maybe renewing acquaintance with dear people from earlier times. By knowing that, however far I walk, the horizon will always be there. And by developing the sense that life goes on regardless and there’s no way it’s ever going to get rid of me.