It’s characterised by a number of delusional states, the most common being that when you’ve had a day when nobody spoke to you, nobody hurled anything at you for making inflammatory comments on YouTube, and even the sheep couldn’t be bothered to look at you, you begin to suspect that you’ve died and the man who was supposed to come and conduct you up the big staircase got lost in the fog. And then when the postman turns up, you can turn very grave and ask him:
‘Are you he?’
‘What d’you mean, he?’
‘The man who has come to conduct me up the big staircase. I assume you got lost in the fog.’
‘No, mate, no. I’m just the postman.’
And that would be really useful, because the postman is second only to the village gossip in being good at putting the word about.
‘Have you seen that bloke from up near the school recently?’
‘Yes, I saw him yesterday.’
‘What was he doing?’
‘Talking to some sheep, but they were ignoring him.’
‘Mmm… I reckon he’s got Morgan’s Dissociative Syndrome.’
‘Oh, right. Better start humouring him, then.’
And this is the good bit: Eventually the rumour will pass into urban legend, and when you get famous the Wiki article will say ‘In 2015, JJ Beazley was diagnosed with Morgan’s Dissociative Syndrome.’ And that’s when everybody will realise just how important you really are.