Monday 29 April 2013

On Ladies with Dangerous Tools.

I went to the dentist today to get that broken tooth sorted – the one that felt like the entrance to the Channel Tunnel every time I scraped my tongue on it. (The French entrance, I expect. I’m sure the English side must be far tidier, although I admit to having never seen either.)

I was impressed!

Italics and an exclamation mark; that’s because not many things impress JJ!

I was attended to by Medeea, the Romanian dentist who seems to be growing a little tired of people mentioning Dracula, and Lucy, the young woman with incisive eyes and partial Greek ancestry. They made quite a team. Never in my life have I been treated with such care and thoroughness by a dentist. Never.

‘Does it hurt a little?’ asked Medeea when I winced (quietly.) Her expression betrayed genuine concern, which seemed, in my experience at least, totally uncharacteristic of a dentist’s surgery. Nice, though.

‘Yes.’

‘Would you like more anaesthetic?’

‘No; I’m not that important. Carry on.’

I was being worked on for at least half an hour, and when it was all over I was told that I shouldn’t eat before 3.30. ‘Then you can have lunch,’ said Lucy, adding as an afterthought (since she’s aware of my strangely nocturnal habits) ‘or breakfast…’

And it wasn’t only excellent treatment I received at the hands of the Romanian lady; I got some free philosophy, too. She told me I shouldn’t be so obsessed with mortality, since I’m only thinking myself to an early grave. I gather, however, that one of her maxims is ‘A pessimist is just an optimist who’s well-informed.’ A note of realism, to boot.

Medeea was the consummate, caring professional, and I took the trouble to have myself transferred to her list for future visits. Maybe Van Helsing was onto something when he said that Mina Harker had ‘the mind of a man, but the heart of a woman.’ (Damn; I mentioned Dracula.) Maybe dentists should all be women. The splendid Lucy was simply as splendid as ever.

There is one thing that troubles me, though. Those Perspex face masks that dentists wear these days lead me to the unsubstantiated, yet nevertheless nagging, suspicion that I’m about be welded.

Fifteen minutes to breakfast.

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