I do this a lot, but I suspect most of us do it to some extent.
I develop notions about how people see me, how they feel about me, what their intentions are towards me. Usually they’re based on things a person has said or done, but they get coloured by my often premature assessment of that person, and also by my perceptions of my own worth – or lack of it. Certainties, or near certainties, develop that have no logical right to be there.
Oddly enough, I usually turn out to be right as long as there’s no emotional involvement confusing the issue. If there is, I can often get it horribly wrong.
4 comments:
Too much admitting of faults in general, Jeff. Looking around I see lots of faults, everywhere. We have to work on our worst ones probably, and get past the rest.
I know, Della. The problem is that I am, not unusually, inclined to talk about the themes that are uppermost, and at the moment they happen to be faults, practical worries, frustrations, malfunctions, and now an old health issue has sort of resurfaced. If I want to talk about them I have to do so to my blog because there's nobody else. Putting myself down seems slightly less whingeing than complaining about other things, so I choose faults.
Glad you're still around, though.
Health and practical worries are very difficult, I know, and can really eat away at one's optimism. Escapism is probably the best remedy, and maybe I shouldn't be advocating that but there are also innocent ways. You live in an idyllic setting (compared to some of us), surrounded by nature, and your reflections/writings on it are so inspired. Maybe you can take some solace there.
On a more mundane note, the blog looks good. The background is black, type is white and header picture, bright and colourful. Very effective.
I do take solace from it, Della. It's the nicest place I've ever lived in. Isn't it ironic, though, that it produces its own problems? It's one of the things that's under threat, it exacerbates certain practical difficulties, and I get so frustrated that I can't share it with anybody. On the positive side, I've learned so much that I consider important since I've lived here.
Life's just very odd at the moment - so much turbulence sitting cheek-by-jowl with grinding tedium. I live with the constant sense of trying to smooth the waters on the one hand, while finding that essential 'something' that's missing on the other. Hence the grungy blog posts lately. I'm trying to tone them down. No doubt the phase will pass eventually.
Thanks for telling me the blog looks better. I thought black would probably do the trick.
And thanks for coming back.
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