Friday, 6 December 2013

Staying Awake with La Belle Parisienne.

The Da Vinci Code has finally taken off at chapter 9. Although Dan Brown’s populist prose continues to flow about as smoothly as lumpy porridge through a drinking straw, he’s now pulled the rabbit out of the hat: He’s introduced us to the beautiful French cryptologist, Sophie Neveu.

She must be beautiful because her burgundy hair falls unstyled to her shoulders (‘framing the warmth of her face,’ no less) which Langdon finds preferable to the ‘cookie-cutter blonde’ look of the Harvard preppies he’s been used to all his life.

More than that, she’s thirty two. Well, of course she is; I’ve been thirty two ever since I was seventeen. Thirty two is the perfect age. (I think I said that before.) And she wears a cream coloured, knee-length Irish (!) sweater over black leggings. He never says she’s slim, but she must be. Only slim women ever wear black leggings in populist literature. But the piece-de-resistance is irresistible:

She speaks impeccable English with an ‘Anglo-Franco’ accent.

OK, Dan, I’m hooked. Maybe now I can stop falling asleep in front of the fire while I’m reading your book (which I didn’t do tonight, notwithstanding the fact that I had precisely five hours sleep in bed last night, and spent the two and a half hours before lunch clearing pieces of fallen tree from a road drain and washing the car. The only thing I usually do before lunch is make the bed and drink coffee. You have your cryptologist to thank for that.)

Sophie’s final words to close chapter 9:

‘Do not react to this message. Just listen calmly. You are in danger right now. Follow my directions very closely.’

Mlle Neveu is taking over! I promise I won’t go to sleep…

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