Wednesday, 11 December 2013

At the Supermarket.

The woman who attempted two head-on collisions with her trolley in Sainsbury’s last week was there again today – sans trolley.

‘Where’s your offensive weapon?’ I asked her.

‘I parked it round the corner so as not to have to keep pushing it around.’

‘Did you put a ticket on it?’

She cackled. Cackling appears to be her forte. And then she pushed me in the arm. I declined to be moved, physically or emotionally.

*  *  *

And do you know what the young man on the checkout said as I was leaving? The same as he said to the woman in front of me:

‘Have a nice day.’

Have a nice day?

Where do they get them from?

*  *  *

And the young woman whose proportions I was proposing to measure was there large as life, just as I was picking up a bottle of White & Mackay on special offer. I bottled it (the request, that is.) Well, she seems such a demure young thing. I’ve seen her blush several times at no more substantial a provocation than being asked whether they have any £1 beers this week. And I didn’t want to get banned at least, if not arrested.

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