Please Believe Me.

You know what really worries me about dying? The thought that somebody might boot up my computer, look at my Watch History on YouTube, and discover that a few weeks ago I watched a clip of a woman in short shorts waggling her bottom to a song called ‘She Gon’ Shake it Like a Red Nose’ sung by a man called Sage the Gemini.

I was only curious, honest I was. I’m horrified to think that my headstone might be inscribed with

Here

lie the remains of

JJ Beazley

Gone to his immortal rest

in a place

beyond the temptation

of dubious videos

I just thought it would make a change from corgis and Laurel & Hardy, that’s all. I didn’t like it, you know. In fact, I didn't even understand it. Really.