I consider myself fortunate that I never thought myself sexy, not even in the full flush of young manhood when a few women seemed to find me attractive. I thought myself personable, maybe even charming when the occasion required it, but never sexy.
I wonder what it must be like to have such confidence – to be one of those people like Kathleen Turner and Maya Angelou who declared their sex appeal to the world with seemingly utter conviction. I wonder how they felt when the inevitable happened and they were forced to concede that they were sexy no longer. Did they maintain the historical conviction and feel depressed at having lost something precious, or did they go a stage further and question whether they’d ever had anything to crow about in the first place?
In my own case, I’m buoyed by the fact that I’m trying to thin out my ego. I’m hoping that the sense of being undesirable in any way is an indication that I’m going in the right direction.
OK, self-conscious ramble over. No comments required.
4 comments:
Haha, hopefully they had enough confidence to be comfortable in their own skin and move on.
Don't thin out your ego and let your confidence go though. Thin it out and then try to become a better person.
Although i doubt people will start or stop liking you just because of it. Ypu're already a very likeable character, you know.
I've spent a long time trying to become a better person, Maria. The only thing that's changed has been my definition of 'better.'
'A likeable character.' Thank you sincerely. Not 'a likeable person.' Interesting.
I wonder if you would have found me sexy when I was your age. I was in the navy then, and all the girls love a sailor, don't they? So who knows?!
Just kidding.
character... person... all the same.
Besides, character implies a certain degree of interestingness as opposed to someone I sit next to in class, for example.
Right now, people who are in the military scare me a little. Maybe it's because they all wear their uniforms every tuesday and tromp around looking malicious. (not because of the uniform, just saying. it's their demeanors.)
I'll bet you got a wiggly line under 'interestingness.' (Isn't 'wiggly' a good word?) Maybe you should change classes.
I agree about the military. I think it's that power projection thing. I was just a young guy trying something different and building up experience. And that was the first time I went to America.
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