And there’s even better news: lots more fields that are also very big have ample crops of maize coming through, so we shall also be able to feed ourselves silly on a diet – albeit repetitive – of corn on the cob sandwiches. And that affords an additional benefit: if we live off nothing other than bread and corn all winter, we’ll all be yellow by the time spring comes around. So then if the Russians do invade, they’ll get very confused because they’ll think they went the wrong way and invaded China by mistake.
(I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t. Chinese people are not yellow. The Yellow Peril is a propaganda myth invented by 1960s British tabloids and I’m really very sorry I fell for it. Truly. It’s just that sometimes the joke blinds you to a proper sense of propriety. Hello nice Chinese people, and welcome as long as you come in peace. Sorry again.)
One problem: we have the barley and the water to brew the beer, but where will we get the hops? I suppose somebody will have to walk to Kent and fetch a bag or two before the Russians cross the Channel and squash them.
Doesn’t the brain come up with some strange stuff late at night?