Tuesday, 28 July 2015

When BT Comes to Trial.

I had an email this evening from British Telecom. It sought to advise me that they’re always seeking to improve things on my behalf, and that’s why they’re going to give me a free subscription to a US crime and drama TV series.

Are they kidding me? Seriously. Are they? Why would they think that anyone in possession of a brain cell would want such a thing? And why would they think that I would have any truck whatsoever with subscription TV as long as the BBC manages to hold off the Tory wolves? And why, pray, would British Telecom of all the dubious corporations on planet Earth be giving away this tiny fragment of reject candyfloss? The answer was in the next paragraph:

They’re raising my line rental fee from September, and by an amount way above inflation, of course. And can you believe that this came on the very day when I was already seething with anger and frustration at other money-grabbing excesses perpetrated by the unscrupulous Nazis at British Telecom? Everything I ever encounter regarding British Telecom is bad, and every time I have to have any sort of dealings with them I’m left seething with anger and frustration. I don’t understand why the regulator hasn’t found a way to put them out of business because they’re terrible people. I can’t describe how much I hate the bastards.

Or can I? Let’s see…

I’m not a vindictive person – really I’m not – but when the revolution comes and I get the job of sitting on the judge’s bench, the brutal excesses of Islamic State will pale beside the fate I shall feel inclined to bestow on the executives of British bloody Telecom. I read recently that two of Countess Bathory’s accomplices were sentenced to have their finger pulled off their hands with red hot pincers before they were burned to death. If I’m either in a good mood or bored the day the BT bully boys stand before me, they might get away with something as lenient as that. If, on the other hand, I’m feeling imaginative…

Is that description enough?

No comments: