Monday, 11 March 2013


I’m reminded that the only acceptable excuse for going five days without making a blog post is being dead. Well, I’m not dead, at least not quite certifiably so. I suppose that makes me a fraud, for which I apologise. Would it help if I said that I’m not quite certifiably alive either?

Here’s the next best thing to a blog post. I might make a proper one if and when I get to the point of being a little less dead than I’m not already.

a) I had an e-mail from the Venus of Brooklyn today. It was a mere ten words, but the flint hit the stone as usual.

b) I’m getting a bit fed up with being inundated with adverts for mature dating sites which assume that I’m attracted to women from whom I would actually run screaming – insofar as I would be able to scream in between extended bouts of projectile vomiting. And why are they all called Rebecca, and why do they all live three miles away?

c) Winter just won’t let go this year, which might explain why the winter blues won’t let go either. The longer it goes on, the worse they get. The Shire is well frozen tonight; I swear it was the coldest night of the winter so far, and it felt desolate.

d) My living room window has no curtains up at the moment. That’s because I top-coated the frame this afternoon and the curtains had to stay down while it dried. I hate that. I don’t mind going out into the night, but I dislike having the night coming in through the window, especially when it’s a desolate one.

e) The grunting creature that I described a week or so ago startled me by grunting from the other side of a hedge I was passing in Mill Lane. I doubt it was Miss Sarah. She never struck me as the grunting sort. And I nearly got run over by a car that came roaring around a bend at speed. Maybe I shouldn’t have hopped out of the way, then I could have made a post saying ‘Hey everybody, I’m not a fraud. I really am dead.’ Then everybody would be content.

f) While I was out walking, I looked up at the stars and tried to imagine how far away 50 billion light years is. I gave up. It’s what dead people do.

After I’ve had my shower I’ll make some attempt to answer several post comments that have been languishing for lack of mental energy on my part. I really do apologise for that, but I really was gone you know? I’ll have a couple of drinks first, and maybe watch something with Arwen in it. She usually picks me up.

No comments: