Oaths and Other Worlds.

I got arrested today and accused of committing some heinous offence of which I was entirely innocent.

‘I swear I never did it,’ I protested. ‘I wasn’t even there.’

‘Would you swear on your mother’s life?’ queried the man in blue.

‘No.’

‘Aha! Sounds like an admission of guilt to me.’

‘Not at all.’

‘So why won’t you swear on your mother’s life?’

‘No point. She’s already dead.’

‘Oh, I see. So swear on the Holy Bible, then.’

‘Certainly not. I have no interest in, or even respect for, the Holy Bible.’

‘OK. How about swearing before Almighty God?’

‘Ha! If I have any reverence at all for the concept of “God” it would take at least half an hour to explain and probably wouldn’t attract the epithet “Almighty” anyway, so that won’t do either.’

‘Not much hope for you, is there my lad? Is there anything you can swear on?’

‘Mmm… let me see… I just bought a litre bottle of scotch. I’d hate to lose that.’

‘OK, try that one.’

‘Right: “I swear on my litre bottle of scotch that I didn’t do it and wasn’t even there.”’

‘Fair enough; I suppose that’ll have to do. Off you go.’

All that happened in one of my alternative versions of reality. I left shortly afterwards.

When I arrived back in the world of mundane reality, I found it full of attractive young women and beautiful dogs. Some of them were even friendly, and I didn't swear at any of them.