Tonight's Pictures.

Here's me as part of a 5-a-side football team which had just won a regional competition. (I’m the stupid looking one wearing the wrong colour shorts.) I scored both goals in our 2-0 semi-final win, and one of them was bloody brilliant. Nobody noticed.

  

And this is a picture of my ex, Mel, shortly after we started seeing each other. You wouldn’t think such an attractive young woman would have such terrible taste in men, would you?