Friday, 22 July 2016

On Sounding British.

Somebody just posted a reply to one of my YouTube comments. It said:

You sound so British.

So how does one respond to such a statement?

1. That’s because I am British.

2. Is sounding British so unusual on YouTube?

3. Do you mean Basil Rathbone British, Bob Hoskins British, or Johnny Rotten British?

4. Would you say: ‘You sound so American’ to an American?

5. If you think that sounds so British, mate, you should read my blog.

6. Tell me, old bean, is your remark intended to be complimentary, in which case please accept my humble gratitude, or pejorative, in which case I demand satisfaction with rolled umbrellas at two paces?

7. Gertcha!

I mean, what does ‘you sound so British’ mean? And if I really do sound so British, why am I not inundated with comments from girls in Minnesota offering to do interesting things to me whilst wearing nothing but rhinestone-encrusted boots (and maybe that favourite shirt of mine which has shrunk a bit in the wash.) They don’t know I resemble the final remnant of the box of dried Moroccan dates I was given three Christmases ago, do they? And why aren’t a few dozen Russian ballerinas writing to me in Russian accents offering a pas-de-deux (whatever that might be, but it’ll probably do - heaven knows the accent would be sufficient.) Mick Jagger managed it, and he’s even older than me.

I think I’ll leave my response until after midnight when my bandwidth is unrestricted and the Hobgoblin ale is mixing, pas-de-deux fashion, with the Grants superior blended scotch. Together they encourage a more creative mindset and a distinctly un-British lack of reserve.

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