Wednesday, 27 January 2016

On Toothache and a Twisted Mind.

No strange posts from me tonight. I have a toothache (it’s the one I’ve had for twenty five years – the incurable chronic infection which doesn’t just hurt but makes you feel ill as well. That’s not something you get every day, is it? Thankfully, neither do I. It’s what my mechanic friend would call ‘intermittent.’ It’s the only posh word he knows.)

The mind’s a funny thing, isn’t it? I mean, what was all that weird Chinese water stuff about last night, if not a polluted stream of consciousness emanating from the spring of a diseased imagination? It happens all the time, only I’m usually more circumspect about revealing it. As I said in an earlier post, very few people speak to me as it is.

Take tonight, for example. I was going to post a Mitchell and Webb sketch about the new Fuehrer. I thought it was very funny, but I was worried that a German person might watch it and get terribly upset with us smug, triumphalist Brits. We’re not smug and triumphalist actually (at least, I’m not.) We just have a weird sense of humour which we justify on the grounds that it’s sophisticated. Nevertheless, I found myself constructing an apology to the whole German nation and not getting very far, so it didn’t get posted.

(But here’s the punch line: This is General Eisenhower’s telephone number. This is the English for ‘surrender.’ And this is our military situation in one rude word. None of which will mean anything out of context, of course, so I think I’ve got away with it.)

And you know what? It’s amazing what alcohol can do for a chronic tooth infection. Unfortunately, it’s not so good at purifying polluted streams of consciousness.

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