On no account let Donald Trump enter Britain. Syrian refugees are welcome, but Trump would be too much of a bad smell.
The Leader of the Opposition, Jeremy Corbin, is against this view. He wants to let Trump in and take him home to meet his wife, who is Mexican, just to demonstrate that even Mexicans can be normal people. (I gather Donald reckons that Mexicans are almost as insufferable – and therefore unwelcome in the land of the free – as Muslims.)
I’ve changed my position. Now I think we should let him in. I think we should take him for a game of golf and trick him into firing a shot into one of his own bunkers, and then when he goes down to play it we should accidentally build an apartment block over the whole site. (Preferably using immigrant labour for the sake of a bit of sweet irony.)
Think of the problems it would save. I mean, Trump might be President of the good old US of A before the year’s out, and then he will be the face of America. What does the rest of the world do then? George Bush was a joke, but at least he was an amusing joke. Trump is just a joke. So what do we do? Pretend that the last two hundred and fifty years didn’t happen and America was just a bad dream? This very issue came up in the parliamentary debate, believe it or not. I have the transcript.