Monday, 4 January 2016

Becoming Marvin.

I think I might be developing homophoneaphobia, at least when the marketing people get hold of them and turn them into the worst form of pun. The sign outside the pet shop read:

Paws… and think of your pets this winter


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One of the discount stores was selling ‘exercise steps’ at £15 apiece. The blurb said that they had two important benefits:

1. They help you lose weight.

2. They tone up your leg muscles.

OK, first off: Did you know that walking briskly for a mile (which takes about twenty minutes or a little less) burns off about as many calories as are contained in a single slice of dry bread? I wonder how many step-ups you would need to perform in order to gain the same benefit as not having that chocolate biscuit with your morning coffee. I think diet wins the argument.

Secondly, if you want to tone up your leg muscles by stepping up and down a step, why not use the one at the bottom of your stairs? It’s free.

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I saw a funeral procession today. Now, I know that funeral processions are very sad for those involved, but they always strike me as being notably bizarre. I mean, how normal is it to see a car drive past with a dead person in it? Boxed.

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