Sunday, 7 May 2017

When Crass is the King.

There’s a full page glossy ad in this week’s TV listing for a ‘Hip Shakin Elvis Signature Pendant.’ It depicts him in typical pose wearing his trademark white bat suit, and the text boasts that it is ‘accentuated with genuine Swarovsky crystals’ (whatever they might be.) The biggest and most mouth watering boast, however, is that his hips really do swing! (Oh, and it’s got a facsimile of his signature printed on the back. I think a ‘wow’ is in order.)

Do you know how much they want for one of these tasteful bits of body adornment? Of course you don’t, so I’ll tell you: They want £89.07 + £6.99 S&H. That’s very nearly £100, right? Right.

And do you know what I find really disturbing? They wouldn’t be marketing these things if they weren’t sure they’d sell, so that means there are people here in Britain lurking in the shadows, or maybe prowling the dark alleyways, or paddling in the sewers, or even joining forces with the mythical creatures which are said to haunt the London Underground, all wearing Elvis pendants with hips which really do swing. And they’ve all paid nearly £100 for the privilege.

Should the mind be boggled or the fear centre activated?

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