Saturday, 6 May 2017

An Earnest Film Review.

The first two things I look for in a film are atmosphere and characterization – in that order. I wouldn’t say that plot is unimportant, but it definitely comes third.

So, tonight I started watching Van Helsing for the second time. It’s unusual for me to watch a film twice, but Van Helsing is high on atmosphere and characterization so I paid the £1 they were charging in a charity shop for a second hand (or ‘pre-loved’ as they now so indecorously call second hand items) copy of the DVD, and tonight I watched the first 37 minutes. Why 37 minutes?

1. I have terrible attention span these days. 37 minutes is a long time to me. I usually get bored and want to do something else after a maximum of about 15. How fortunate I have no sexual capital. (That’s the third time I’ve managed to sneak that one in. Thank you Sydney, NSW.)

2. It was a natural scene break.

My impressions so far?

1. Romanian peasants seem uncommonly inclined to drive strangers out of town with burning brands and pitchforks, so it probably isn’t the best place to go on holiday.

2. The gods don’t make many Kate Beckinsales.

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There's something I've always wondered about vampires: how do they manage to keep their hair so impeccably combed if they can't see their reflection in a mirror?

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