Wednesday, 6 August 2014

I Never Thought...

I never thought Cameron could drop any further in my estimation, but this week he has. The word ‘gobshite’ was invented for that man. Let’s elaborate a little: a soulless, clueless, toffee-nosed, morally weak, out of touch, disingenuous little gobshite.

I never thought one popular song could remain fresh year in, year out. Golden Brown has. It must have been around 1982 when somebody said to me ‘We were driving down a mountainside in Scotland, and do you know what came on the radio? Golden Brown. Heaven.’ It somehow manages to combine the tawdry, the exotic, and the near-mystical in one package.

I never thought I would sell any copies of either my novel or my novella, but I checked tonight and it seems I’ve sold five in the last two years. The publisher now owes me the princely sum of £1.18, which they’re not sending because they don’t until you reach $5 US. (They’re from North Carolina, you know.) I plan to emulate JK Rowling and resist moving to a tax haven.

I never thought it would be possible to mend a broken stabiliser board on a flat pack wardrobe – in situ – without either a companion or 5ft-long arms. Today I did, using shoulder power and a mallet. Hammer the bloody thing in place and then drop the rest of the wardrobe down before the damn thing pops out again. Seems to have worked. Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best.

I never thought I would post yet another video, having effectively apologised for posting so many lately, but I like this one a lot. Blame the scotch and the fact that I think ‘It’s worse than that, he’s dead, Jim’ should be in the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. …merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Star Trek was one of the best of my teachers.

I never thought I would have quite so much trouble finding something to say.

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