Friday, 13 September 2013

A Letter to Big G.

Dear God

I wonder whether you might do me a favour. (I know I keep saying I don’t believe in you, but I just might be wrong. And I’m sure you don’t hold the fact against me anyway, since why would you? If you’re as omnipotent as some people say you are, why would you give a monkey’s toss whether I believe in you or not? It’s like those people who go around screaming ‘blasphemy,’ isn’t it? They’re the ones who are really insulting you, right? How could they possibly demean your Greatness so much as to imagine you’d be in the least concerned about a perceived slight from a mere mortal? Do they really think you're that insecure? Right, so…)

I wonder whether you might arrange for me to have a whole day without some technological malfunction or circumstantial difficulty. It’s beginning to feel like the western equivalent of the Chinese water torture – incessant drops of water turning into sledgehammers? Right. My nerve endings are beginning to resemble those tassels you get on soft furnishings which say ‘dry clean only,’ but you didn’t see the label and put them through the washing machine. Frayed as hell. I’m becoming permanently stressed just anticipating the next technological malfunction or circumstantial difficulty.

If you could manage a whole week, that would be great.

Thanks.

JJ

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