(That’s odd, isn’t it? You’d think film stars would have
their own jewels, wouldn’t you? I mean, what’s the point of swanking around in
expensive jewellery if everybody knows you’ve only borrowed it for the night?)
So anyway, there were several reports of a large pink cat having
been seen in the vicinity shortly before the theft was discovered. Police have
discounted them, saying they were entirely due to hallucinations caused by a
vat of dodgy Chianti that was initially thought to have come from somewhere in
Eastern Europe. Investigations are now centering on the theory that it was
planted by a member of the United Kingdom Independence Party, which wants to
re-erect the Iron Curtain along the south coast of England and will do anything to give Johnny Foreigner a bad
name.
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