Friday, 19 April 2019

Woman With Own Dog Seeks...

The only thing of note which happened to me today involved a woman called Jo and a big, soppy, liver Labrador called Millie. It’s odd to reflect on how many women have entered my life bearing dogs. Maybe it’s a Greeks and gifts thing.

They changed their route to walk with me and we talked of illness, fatigue, alternate realities and the relatively minor matter of death. Millie kept her own council, but insisted on sidling up to me every so often to push her head into my palm. I think it must be widely known by now that I like dogs a lot; it’s women who come bearing them that cause me a problem. Dogs are much less likely to pull you into a long, dark tunnel, you see, and I’m never surprised when dogs like me. Women who seem to like me, on the other hand, cause me some disquiet because it would be hard to find anything about me which a woman should like. (I’ve even been called a misogynist, which isn’t true.) That’s why I’m tempted to wonder whether each one of them is a physical manifestation of the mad woman I used to dream about frequently as a child. She used to scare me witless on every occasion that she appeared.

But I’m through with talking about women and dogs, at least for the time being. (Please note the use of the American idiom. We Brits don’t say ‘I’m through with…’ It’s all House’s fault and I’m resolved that it won’t last beyond the end of the series.)

So now I’ll change the subject and mention that the wild garlic in The Hollow is blooming about a month earlier than usual. You can’t trust the climate, can you? And the full moon is looking in at my office window again. When I went to bed last night her radiance was lying on top of me, a phenomenon I’ve been given to believe is bad for the mind. I don’t call her ‘Mistress Moon’ for nothing.

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