Not the TV Type.

I’m doing that other-way-round thing again. I need to get a new TV because my old one is driving me scatty and I do like to watch it about twenty times a year.

Now, the thing is, most people needing a new TV at this time of the year would be busting a gut to get it before Christmas, whereas I’m leaving it until after Christmas in hope of getting the one I want at a reduced price in a sale. That’s because I don’t believe in paying any more than I absolutely have to for something I hardly ever use. And it will be a small one because I want my living room to look like a living room and not a cinema.

I’ve been researching them in catalogues and I find the experience somewhat unnerving. I still think of the TV as a box with a glass front and an aerial socket on the back, but they don’t just have an aerial socket these days. They have a plethora of colour-coded sockets of various sizes and shapes into which you can plug this, that and the other device. What this, that and the other device? All I expect of a TV is that it gives me sound and pictures. Why would I want to plug a device into it? What end would it serve? And does that attitude make me old fashioned or a free thinker? The only thing I want to plug into it – apart from the aerial – is a set of headphones because you get better sound that way.

And talking of headphones just made me realise an interesting fact: at no time during my twelve-year tenure in this house have I ever watched the TV in the company of another person. TV watching is not a communal activity in my house.

It never was with me. I was never the sort to relax cosily on the sofa next to the current co-habitee-of-the-opposite-sex, laughing at the same funny bits and engaging in earnest discussion over such matters as whether dark hair suits the leading actress and who’s going to make the next cup of tea. I’ve seen such a scenario many times in films and adverts, but I don’t believe it happens in real life. Personal space is sacrosanct to me, and especially so on those rare occasions when I want to engage with a moving picture.

And another thing: the TV used to be known colloquially in Britain as ‘the box.’ I suppose modern ones would be better styled ‘the communion wafer.’ Opening the window is a bit risky these days in case there’s a strong breeze blowing and the poor old dog becomes a casualty of the communal activity.