The Feverish Fruits of Misplaced Levity.

It’s a fact that people often like to quote famous lines from famous films, or famous catchphrases from famous people, at appropriate moments. (For example, a woman once said to me ‘Oh well, we’ll always have Paris.’ Never having been to Paris, and not having seen Casablanca for about twenty years, it took me days to realise what the hell she meant.) Being a little more imaginative (for which read ‘pretentious’) I prefer to reprise an idea or principle rather than simply quote a line.

So, I was in the pet shop today waiting behind a woman who was trying to decide on which was the right sized dog-collar-that-flashes-in-the-dark for her dog.

‘You can serve this gentleman while I decide,’ she said to the shop assistant.

I looked around one way, then looked around the other.

‘What are you looking for?’ asked the assistant.

‘The gentleman.’

And then I felt the fever of embarrassment because it really wasn’t very funny, was it? What happened, you see, was that when she referred to me as a gentleman, I remembered a scene from the old classic comedy Oh Mr Porter and my response was based on it. The problem was that I’m no Harbottle, and a pet shop in Ashbourne doesn’t quite replicate the atmosphere of a run down old railway station in Buggleskelly.

Must get a grip on myself.