On Pipes and Personality.

I was thinking about pipes again tonight, and realised that the way a person handles the article says a lot about their nature. For example, the best of men are those who hold the pipe sloping downwards from the side of the mouth, the bowl resting on the lower segment of the second finger with the adjacent forefinger wrapped across the top of the stem. This is the way Aragorn smokes his in Lord of the Rings. Those who grip the bowl in the palm of their hand are exhibiting a control tendency.

But the sort of man you must never have anything to do with is the sort who drives a car while holding the pipe gripped by the front teeth and pointing forward, either horizontally or with an upward slant. Such a man is part of a rare, insufferable breed and best avoided. If you should see one and he is also wearing a trilby, call the police immediately and make up whatever story you can get away with to have him locked up.