‘What are you doing?’
‘Trying to decide which one suits my personality best –
Cherry Blossom and Red Petal, or Apple,’ (I managed a rare rueful smile in an
attempt to indicate that I thought the concept amusing.)
‘I always go for the blue one.’
‘There isn’t a blue one.’
‘Yes there is, up there. But it’s more expensive.’
It was, too. Nearly twice as much because it was a branded
label, not Sainsbury’s own.
‘In that case I’ll go for red.’
And then she walked away without another word.
* * *
At the other end of the scale, I’ve started thinking about
thinking. Just as I’m in the process of working something out or deciding
between options, my mind splits. One half carries on performing the original
function while the other half tries to observe the process.
‘What is this "thinking" thing all about?’ it asks. ‘How
does it work? Can I watch it happening?’
And so I try to watch it happening, but my eyes are on the
outside of my head and all I can see are loads of cars in a car park. I imagine
synapses flashing, but I can’t know whether they’re the right ones because I
can’t actually see them. And even if I could, it wouldn’t answer the fundamental
question: how does something simple and objective like flashing synapses
translate into the abstract and utterly mysterious business of thinking? And
the interesting thing is that this new habit of mine is coinciding with an
increasing tendency to be absent minded.
So then I think some more and consider a potentially
disturbing question: does all of this represent an ascent into greater use of
the higher mind, or a descent into the twilight zone of true insanity? Or is it
the same thing? Being me can be a frustrating business at times.
* * *
Generally speaking it was a horrible day today, replete with
absent minded errors, malfunctions and minor monetary losses. And the bats
declined to visit me at twilight. It was one of those days when you begin to
give credence to astrology after all.
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